If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
you didnt know i had herpes?
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
