how can u be prego again
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?