i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
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