i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
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I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
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My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.