i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
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