I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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