Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
