On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there