I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Randomize
