you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
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Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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