Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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