the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
