It's like God shit irony all over that family
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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