Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
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