Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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