my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
