If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
