I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
