so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Randomize
