ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
