This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
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He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
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Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
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