Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
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