maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
