We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
