I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
My legs feel like baby dolphins
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
