hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
