Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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