Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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