OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
