pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
