u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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