i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
