He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
