The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
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