Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
