yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
