I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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