Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
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If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
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Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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