Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
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