Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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