So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
