I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
