hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I will die if light touches me.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
