They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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