paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
