Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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