Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
