HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
