i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
