do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Randomize
