It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
