Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
The Olympian is in my bed
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
