recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
