just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
