my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
