i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
