we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
