Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
