I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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