I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
