Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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