mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize