alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
