Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
