There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
