I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
