you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
