What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
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