I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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