my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
