Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
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