TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Never joke about your clitoris.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
