Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
