...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
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