I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
