You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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