she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
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