so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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