It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
